Letter to my Fans

Dear Reader,

Before we move on, I want to express my view on a few things that have happened and bring in some positive feelings. Because let’s face it, so far, this little adventure is more like National Lampoon's Vacation movies and those didn't go very well.

I think one of my biggest problems being a Nice Guy was not really having the confidence to be myself. I always felt I had to be what I thought would make the girl happy. This never really worked out and usually ended with them not being interested. The excuses were many and not always entertaining, so I am just going to skip them.

What really made it hard on me was trying to carry the world on my shoulders and taking everything that I couldn't fix or make better way too personally. It was really hard to see the positive side of anything and I usually blamed myself for everything that would go wrong. I am hoping that you enjoy and laugh at them because no matter what happens, remember that you cannot blame yourself for something not working out. You laugh hysterically as your friend points out that he “didn’t go out with a lunatic”, causing you to fall out of your chair, tears rolling down your cheeks, spilling your drink all over your shirt, unable to breathe because your abdominal muscles are slowing trying to kill you as they contract on your diaphragm, that is totally acceptable, again just don’t die.

Now, here are a few things that I heard over and over when I was dating before I started this:

Commitment issues:
From my experience and listening to my friends experiences, I have found that Nice Guys tend to over commit, we tend to give the impression that we are too serious from day one. I was far too caring and more than ready to give the shirt off my back right after an hour into meeting someone, and you may say that is sweet, a lot of women have told me it’s just intimidating that someone can be that interested or they seem desperate. No one wants to be a last resort. All my friends can tell you though; I am like that with everyone I meet. This is not a bad thing, but it is not smiled upon on the first date, when you come off like your ready to settle down have that white picket fence and a dog named Sparky.... Imagine that! Women on the other hand want a more casual first meeting or want their man to give the idea of a chase or being pursued.


Blame:
Not just Nice Guys have this quality, when things don't go the way we expect, we blame ourselves and wonder what we could have possibly done wrong. Anytime I have gained someone’s interest, they could do no wrong. Lucky them huh?! Rather than take a situation and say hey maybe it just wasn't meant to be, I would blame myself and wonder what was wrong with me or what I did wrong to mess things up. Looking at a situation objectively is probably one of the hardest things you will ever attempt, so don’t feel bad if you want advice or a second opinion. Just for your own personal knowledge though, people don’t like when you ask for advice or an opinion and then you never consider it. I mean why waste the oxygen, I know people don’t want just listen to themselves speak… Most of the time!

You cannot control chemistry, it just happens naturally. A woman may find some guy totally and uncontrollably attractive, and if left in a room alone with them for more than 5 seconds, they would be mauling that person like a black bear invading a subway...only in Canada. Yeah isn't chemistry grand! (See Bear here) We all want to be liked, desired and lusted after. You just have to find someone that sees you for who you are that you won’t have to try to impress or try making things perfect for. Everything will be natural and great; there won't be any pressure or stress of who did what or why this person doesn’t like me. This keeps us from being insecure with ourselves to the point where we would completely implode from self doubt and depression, and wondering what we could do wrong to ruin things. I have been to these places and I do not recommend vacationing there.

Being the Hero:

Being the hero is not glamorous nor is it an easy job. I find being the hero tends to take a heavy toll on you. When you are constantly and almost forcefully trying to become that special connection in someone's life, you know what I am talking about… Anything this girl mentions; you are suddenly an expert on it. If she said I like to dress my dog in dresses and you would probably offer to hold the dog still or something crazy, maybe even buy the poor animal a dress or make one. Another thing I had really bad habit of doing was saying sorry. If it was a four letter word, you would think I was cussing like a sailor. I will give you a scene from Demolition Man. Picture yourself as Stallone standing there with two other people, one is a pipsqueak cracking jokes because you don't know how some space age toilet uses three seashells to hygienically clean yourself after, well you know. You’re looking at said pipsqueak thinking of 50 different ways to break him in half, when you say "Sorry, what was that", then that damn ticket machine goes off fining you credits for speaking. Well, now you have an idea, you walk over to said futuristic toilet paper dispenser and commence the conversation, “Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry", you get the point... Needless to say I said it way too much.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that these are very admirable traits. So is being honest, but when was the last time you told a woman, "Hey that hairdo looks like you let a rabid hamster loose on your skull, did you actually pay money for that? (If you do try this, do not come crying to me.)

I know from experience that by doing this; it will make it harder every time you really want to try again. Getting back on your feet is hard enough as it is, so take my advice for what it is worth, enjoy the time you get to spend with someone you like and if doesn't work out, at least you had a few laughs and some good memories. Unless, you have my luck and end up with some of the winners that I have been so privileged to meet, and if you are I am sorry!


We all have experiences, but how you use those experiences and what you learn from them are what will fuel the fires of passion deep within your heart to give you that ability to fight, stand up, look that loss in the face, tear out its beating heart, and say, " I am better than you". As you look back and remember that you are proud to be yourself, let your memories carry you through the tough times or use those memories to carry someone else through theirs.

When you fall, let your friends carry you; you may have been the shoulder they leaned on when they were in a similar situation. I remember the tears my friends have cried, the support they needed, and in some cases, throwing on an old movie and just remember better days. I tried to carry the world on my shoulders; I fell to a knee several times. Each time I fell, I remember looking up and seeing my friends, lifting that burden, so that I could stand back up and take that next step.

When I say I know how you feel or may have felt in your experiences, I am telling you, that you are not alone. As I write this blog, I hope you, as my friends will be able to be there for your friends like I am here for you as you read my writing, my comments, and my responses to anything you may post to me. These articles can be your shoulder and help you stand back up, or just really brighten your day with a good laugh. I am going to keep my chin up and keep getting back on my feet until I find the answers that I am searching for.

I hope that you get a few laughs, because we all know I have been getting plenty of them. Happy reading!

Your Friend Always
Nice Guy